There are times where I feel great.

Times where I am not frantic over my weight,
my error of a face,
my personality(ies)...
etc. ...
Those times are nice indeed.
But also quite seldom, unfortunately.

.....

Peices, parts... versions of me, they all seem to get lost at times.
It dreadfully suffocates me at times, cleched all around my throat.
It blocks airways that lead to essential, normal, basic motor functionings.
At times, I feel I am only left with a shell.

....

New York may have been long ago, but yet it continues to creep into my mind.
I took several hours long Nature Walks.
By the (shitty) beach that was there.
Through neighborhoods, through paths of tree and woodlands.
The walking, loosing more weight, it all distracted me from what demons my head was mixing up in my mind.
I will forever regret how that version of myself... ruined so much with people I care about.
My impression after time of not seeing them, unstably soiled.
Now, that's how they will remember me.
Sad.
I hardly remember that me, it's all clouded.
Whether thats trauma blocking it out, or embarassment/shame, I'll never know.